Have been busy all morning brokering a deal between the opposing sides of the Tanmay Snapchat video drama. The film was played on loop to various demographic segments in the hope of finding anything even remotely funny in his satire of Indian icons, but to no avail. In fact once the effects of the potent shit he had been smoking wore off, Tanmay was himself found to be staring mystified at his own production.
It was obvious that some form of chastisement was coming. While many were against extreme measures of lynching or arresting him – freedom of speech and all, there was unanimity that letting him go scot free for such a yawn-producing video wasn’t acceptable either. Am happy to share that after extremely tough negotiations, a mutually acceptable compromise has been reached.
Tanmay has agreed to a Walk of Atonement for creating such a ridiculously boring skit. He will start his penance at Oshiwara, home to umpteen Bollywood hopefuls and meandering his way through Bandra, cross the glass houses of some of tinsel-town’s leading celebrities. Then shuffling across the sea link, he will hang a sharp left and end at Shivaji Park where a throng of politicians, having left aside all pressing administrative matters, will await his arrival. In an effort to not overly horrify the public, he will wear his Night’s Watch speedos through the procession. My gardener, Narayan maali, who bears the closest resemblance to the High Sparrow within my circle, will supervise the entire ritual.
Some may still consider this too severe a punishment but trust me; he barely managed to extricate his ass from the other option – getting chased, Hodor style, by an army of white walkers through Elephanta Caves. #HoldTheJoke