This is a pre-boarding announcement for Flight WTF from Delhi to Mumbai. Please pay close attention to ensure a streamlined boarding process. Passengers holding a reservation are classified as backward class and the rest are simply known as simply. Our planes have a three-class configuration with front rows 1 to 18 forming the forward class and 19 to 36, the backward class, with both offering identical service. The third-class politicians and businessmen boarded during pre-pre-boarding and are seated in the cockpit.
We are boarding by reservation and row numbers and request the backward class passengers who are seated in the forward class to please step back. Now will the backward class seated in the backward class step forward and board from the back. Back to those who stepped back – please step forward and board from the front. The simplys can simply board anytime from simply anywhere. Also, all passengers will be walking to the aircraft because we burnt the shuttle buses last night.
The flying time will be 95 minutes in mind-blowing turbulence but what the heck, you all are used to it. Please remember to keep your seat belts fastened and store all lathis and other weapons in overhead compartments or below the seat in front of you. We estimate a brawl breaking out no later than when we are over Jaipur and that will be your in-flight entertainment.
Delicious snacks from Sukhdev da dhaba will be served after takeoff. Shucks, I’ve just been informed that we razed the dhaba too. But we will be serving tea and coffee, cocktails of the Molotov kind and unlimited water, now that we have hoarded Delhi’s supply. Finally, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us for anything; the crew on this flight can curse in English, Hindi, Gujarati and Haryanvi.
We wish you a pleasant flight and thank you for flying Jat Airways.