… Read the safety instructions card carefully, say “hmm” and keep scratching your chin. This may cause some stress to your co-passengers. And while most people ignore the flight safety demonstration conducted by the cabin crew, ensure that you pay rapt attention. Make eye contact with the stewardess and appear most interested in her pantomime. She will appreciate your interest and be particularly nice to you for the rest of the flight.

Sometimes they race ahead and if you miss something, interrupt with an “Excuse me, can you repeat that last point you made – about how to blow air through the pipe to inflate the life vest?” They are usually very happy to oblige.

Excerpted from the chapter, Flight Safety: From Takeoff to Landing. Aisle Be Damned. Rest assured, your flying experience will never be the same again!